Why does the saying ring true with everything from our personal to work life: ‘The way you anything is the way you do everything’. The way someone handles their money, mows the lawn, organises their desk at work, brushes the leaves, tidies the house, reflects the way they approach and the choices they make for they body and mind in every day life.
These belief systems support the same type of behavioural pattern—missing class, avoiding answers to questions, expressing a lack of interest in change (do the same, get the same). But what can prove helpful to each person is very different. And what’s helpful in the case of classic denial actually may be harmful to persons with different belief systems. “If you always do what you’ve always done , your always get what you’ve always gotten”.
One of the other two unhelpful client belief systems revolves around the thinking, “I’ll never be able to do it, so why try?” It is easy to mistake this lack of confidence for lack of interest in change, especially since some of these persons exhibit a false bravado that makes us think they are in denial. Audrey Hepburn drew our attention to the word ‘impossible’, as she said the word actually says ‘i’m possible’.
Who we try and change loved ones and our family behaviour or habits, it never works. The best thing to do is to change ourself and others will follow if they truly want to.
Another belief system that keeps people stuck is the shame-based belief system of those who think they aren’t worth saving or don’t deserve to be happy. These people also seem uninterested, sabotage their own recovery, and fail to show a sustained effort. This would be the classic archetype behaviour of the victim, child, saboteur and prostitute.
The four main archetypes